burp
cataracs was rescheduled
ruined my dayyyyyyy
nah not really kind of frustrating cause that was the way to end my midterms AH - -, ill be dancing that night
knotts HALLOWEEN HAUNT (WTF W/ THE NAME CHANGE?) w/ the apt mates YAYYYY
im sad i wont be going with luis but i always go out with him, ill go out with him other times
im having rushing nightmares
chi o ahhhh
midterm went alright i think i didnt do that shabby but hopefuly i got a c, i felt like i didnt use enough math in my answers

we have an odd numbers...
awww fuck so i talked with roger and i guess in order to have even the nak boys are coming with us so i guess luis is coming, but i need to talk to him about his attitude about when we are around friends........

ok going to........
do spanish essay
those nak boys

i need to sort out issues..............

wedding over the weekend, finished my spanish essay and went back to sd
as soon as i got to carmel valley or north county sd it got overcast and gloomy, very depressing
welcome to sd
its nice here though
weather is meant to make you study
price you pay for living right next to the beach
cream cheese<333

i danced and rocked it
i love dancing but i cant this week because i have school
and now that i dont have dance i realize how much time i have free now
and its such an amazing change
i went from being jam packed everyday to having one class today
thats nice
good thing i didnt join panhellenic im glad of my decision now

welllll
back to studying<333

after a horrible incredibly packed day from sd to buena vista from buena vista to home i come to a dark house at 11:30pm my head throbbing from exhaustion. I find home made pot pie on the stove still hot, and ice cream in the freezer. i wasnt hungry but i was home and hadnt eaten anything since lunch 8 hours ago.
i slept in the guest room ready to rid myself of exhaustion
i no longer live here
i havent communicated with anyone except my dad who asked who was it downstairs, and him giving me stuff for my car. it makes me sad i cant talk to him. i need to try but it makes me sad i have to be the one to make the effort. doesnt our relationship make you sad?

i havent talked to anyone in my family since i got here, they're all at school my mom is at work, my dad was around the house and left to work. now im alone in this house that i called my home. i was excited to go home to escape from it all, overwhelming, to come home. I havent even talked to my mom since i got here, which i guess sits reasonable considering the timing and the day of week but im still as lonely as ever here, farther away from my friends who temporarily fill a gap that has always been.
i miss my mom now more than ever although she is so close, i wonder if she feels lonely too.
i bet she does

i just want to eat now that im here
nomnomnom
but i have gained a good 4 or 5 lbs since school has started. you cant tell but its not good almost back to the original 10lbs i was trying to loose. god help me
i need to control myself more.

back to schoolwork

my life is perfect
but i don't like it
it's everything a girl would ever want

but it's too much for me
i talked it out with the bf
he made me take a break from dancing
although i love dancing and when im doing it i forget about everything
that's how it should be when you're doing something you love mind you
i return back to the reality of overwhelming expectations which i fufill
but i cannot take it any longer
another thing i have neglected and bothers me everyday are my academics
im capable of succeeding i know it
but i have to stop my overcommitment to dance in order to do so

i realized why i was in this world of hate
hating all the people i know
the countless amount of people i supposedly know and say hi to
hating how happy i always was
how lonely i was
this is a completely new experience to me
being so known, so popular, so in the loop
but the thing was i didn't know how to handle it
i am so used to having my close set of a few friends
i was always so happy around them because they made me happy
-now that i know a bazillion more people i guess i was acting like all of them were my close friends so i was constantly in a happy state when in reality theyre just acquaintances people i know, shallow "friends" and i didnt realize that. Luis has always been like that so hes known for a while and although it sounds horrible, mean and selfish. not everyone is worth your time, it's the truth i've heard before but i never thought i would be in such need for a stupid and simple phrase like that.

well mas o menos
estoy tratando, pero es dificil
una otra cosa es la boda de me "tia" que esta este sabado. por eso fue una otra razon para mi crisis

pues tengo que empezar mis estudios.

im tired of meeting so many people
im tired of being happy and ideal
im lonely
im too busy
what do i do...

what it takes to come aliveee

life is great
i need to study more
but everything is great
luis invited me to a neighbors kb, lols im sad i didnt bring my apt mates, but its hard because it strict saying he only invited me and only having to deal with me rather than extra guests
i forget he doesnt trust me, because i have a big mouth
but this event i came a lil late, 12AM i was sleeping, but i met some rad neighbors, new pledges, cool people. i fucking hate british international student. lame ppl in room, but it was really nice being in a party wear it was fucking HOT and sweaty and nasty, where there's room to walk and yeah. it was nice meeting the neighbors

idk, i kind of want to go to my ex roommates party tonight at the softball house, but i want to go with my roommate but she just had her bid party last night so shes not down. idk if im really willing to go 20 min to charly's house, i really do not know. theres another party that i got personally invited to for tonight to, i really appreciate that they dont just assume im going because my bf is. so i guess im going to that tonight
i really need to cook more

my sister texted me in the morning that they were coming to SD in two hours. i was surprised, because one they didnt call me or communicate anything to me! i really want my family to come down to visit me but they really have to  check with me because today i had work until 4PM! i appreciate them willing to come down, but its frustrating that my dad doesnt realize how big of a role i play in my college running leadership events and giving speeches and stuff. it makes me sad that they dont realize how big or how great ive gotten, how much im doing, that they think im just being a bum. im doing so much, im so busy, they dont know any of it.
i called my mom today and she talked to me, she explained a few things that made her upset with my dad.
idk what to say but to tell her to tell my dad.
im trying to think about my relationship with luis, i think we like each other equally, im glad i have him.
i guess i should tell him everything i feel wrong in relationship? but theres not much now. anymore.

im glad for my bf
hes great
dance is great
life is great
go study.

today i had way too many things going on todayy!!!
but now im super bubbly and hyper and happy off boba and cant really go to sleep but yeah!
im just really happy because i met the new addition to our dancesport family, and im super excited because i like them! i have a fucking follower! thats another thing, her name is lilliana or lillian i forget but shes in muir in Ghouse also a freshmen but i think she loves me, because i met her like the first weekend, she came to dancesport and she now dyed her hair my red! lols how funny i must tell luis because i dont think he got one of those! haha

luis said he got raul which was some guy i was vying for to be my dance partner! but i guess he's in NAK now, maybe he can do both, but he's definitely a dance buddy! im so excited to talk to him and glad ill be seeing him around more often, hopefully hes down to be my dance partner and be part of NAK lols, that would be so epic he'd be like mine and luis's!! lolss

today we tabled for FFOG, and we had a lot of interest at our obscure table in front of the career services center. i was so surprised to find people whohavent yet heard of us! but yet there they wereee, flyering, im glad to get so much help from people and supporters, im so greatful and happy for them. we had our performance in PC and it was nice a sunny and hot, they did great. I gave a little spiel, i felt i talked a little fast, i was rather nervous my hand was shaking. after i finished talking i always wonder how i looked up there, was i hunched over, did i look like i was nervous? i dont know why i get nervous i can talk in lecture halls and run meeting, but why does a mic make me nervous? all well it's over, but im glad everything went thru GREAT today. i ate well i napped paid attention in stats, went to discussion, went to our first dancesport meeting, andim just all happy.
it was mostly the boba
but one of my favorite parts was waiting around in TapEx and i sort of recognized these guys, and someone asked how they found out and they pointed at me, and then i remembered them and how i randomly recruited them at Pines dining hall when i was putting flyers in the hall! I was wearing my Minnie Mouse ears that day and dressed all crazy, lols and they acted interested and i gave them a flyer and gave them a rather disinterested spiel on the team. and there they were at TapEx!!! Turns out they're grad students from italy and portugal, but thats cool! im so glad theyre interested, they look so cool. foreign ppl are soo interesting!!!

im just so happy to be around people i love, we're such a diverse group, it makes me happy i didn't end up joining a sorority, because i have this great group of people i already love, and if i had joined a sorority i'd have to split my love, and idk. im happy.

life is great.
my life is so busy, oh so incredibly busy
but i feel like my life's like a movie, perfect

btw amy oh was at our first meeting, i hope she sticks it out, i should say hi i think shed have a good time idk if itll be awkward, itll only be awkward if i make it awkward, but i hope she sticks it thru she'd have a blast. but then she'd be doing two thingss, but we'll see

dear xanga
luis is here
he doesnt want to talk that much though
but the things he talked about were valuable to me

i just want to remember this though
do it because you want to
not because it will make you look good, go on your resume
do it because it means something to you.

and it makes me wonder how much of my life this is really applicable to...

i see my boyfriend practically everyday, if not on purpose than definitely randomly. he's always in and out of muir, chillin with his best friiend, chillin with other ppl, having meetings in muir. etc. he's cute, but he's not all mine, he's his own person and has his own things to deal with. but i like having him, he's a cutie. a lil too gangster for me but he's interesting, friendly, great.

sororities are out, congrats to everyone, it really is such a big deal finding ur home and ur sisters.
im rather jealous, but i got my own thing going on, and if i really really wanted to i could just rush mgc....i feel it wont be the same though...better than tri delts though
although i love those girls, theyre lovely and i can always talk to them, but idk i rather party hard with fat latino girls than pay a lot more for tri delts things. theyre darling though

the favorite one of mine though was theta ill never forget them
especially because of my girl crush on alex
who is an extraordinary girl
now im just procrastinating on econ hw
goodnight

i went to go see red tide last night :]

Hi xanga
i've been rushing all weekend
it was a bittersweet but mostly fun experience
ive never talked so much in my life
it was so incredibly fun
it was kind of sad, there were ones i wish i could be in like kappa kappa gamma, which was my number one but i got cut from day 1. I just didnt make the right impression, i'm not party enough, yadada. I feel the process is rigorous, a lot extensive, but in a sense it's right. Talking u realize who u get along with, who it's easier to talk to and such. I wish i could be a kappa kappa gamma, but I'm not that type of girl, or at least i don't act like it. They were darling people, the president was beautiful, but nah.
First day of rush i went to meet all 9 of the chapters, and it was amazing and nothing what i expected. i didn't know what to expect, but this was not what i expected. my first party was sigma kappa and i came in to a room of girls all matching and wearing shining platform shoes. i was razzled, it was amazing, i loved the matching uniformity. it was my first party i felt a bit awkward, and it felt like 10 min and it was over. turns out that was 25 or 30 minutes of talking. they gave us water with cucumber in clear cups. oh i didn't mention the chanting, it was enchanting and tribal. they opened the door clapping and chanting their cute greek chant to greek us and chanted us out. opening night. i dress too casual, not dressy or fashionable enough.

at the end of that night we were all exhausted of talking people's voices were going after 30 min x 9 chapters of talking. alpha kappa, pi phi, tri delta, kappa kappa gamma, dg, theta, aephi, and alpha chi omega in that order.
we didn't like tri delta, they were not pretty they were girls who couldnt make it into a real sorority and the president was not gorgeous.

my top three of the night were pi phi, dg, and kappa kappa gamma
i didnt get called back to them
_____________
2nd night: Spirit night
all the girls do a dance, call back to sigma kappa, tri delta, ae phi, chi o, and THETA!!! i felt like i got such a good pick. tri del was a no, as well as ae phi but the rest were cool. luis suggested that alphi chi omega was chill, but i didnt even get in for that second try surprisingly. sigma kappa first again. they were just darling, their outfits were all cute and matching. i saw them as leaders, preppy like cheer leaders, peppy, cute and leaders. i liked how they matched though.
tri delta, ew! i liked their decorations though, talked with the same girl again, it was easy, but i feel like im more than them, like i can do better. but i had a decent conversation with them
theta!!! i met my girl crush there who was a transfer ol from muir, shes so beautiful and involved for being a transfer, her name is alex, and i realized they were all so beautiful and leaders in some way too. i ended up talking to the same 2 girls again and being double rushed which made it harder. i was so happy to have been called back to theta though, but i didnt feel like i could be as beautiful as those girls though, i felt like they were so high and beautiful. they were leaders though, they danced and had fun, beautiful girls.
chi o was chill, i met really chill girls, i loved how they were all rowdy and loving each other, i do that, but i wasnt sure about some of them, i guess some of them were fat
im fat

a e phi i talked with phu the same girl again and i was double rushed but i had a good time! actually it was great and it was my last party and i had a good time.

i knew i would be called back to tri del, aephi, and more possibly chi o but i felt theta i fell short, i wish i could be as beautiful as those skinny cute leaders. so darling thetas. i loved alex, if i had gotten into the thetas she wouldve been my big.

3rd day amy oh was in two of my 3 parties. philanthropy night, i had tri del and it was pretty great, i was paired with a dancesport girl who i never really had the chance to talk to. i had a really easy time talking to her, and also most of the girls. the craft was fun.
chi o was grreat! i met a cute and beautiful girl named adriana who was half mex and half salvadoran. she was beautiful first generation who loved the same colors as i and was in muir to. i met a few other girls who were eh but i had a decent time talking to them and i love the recruitment chair janessa, shes so friendly and lovely, i cant believe she remembered me but i liked her! i do not know whyyyy
but yeah
chi o i guess im a chi o
i said chi o was probably the one sorority i fit in with the best, i had no knowledge of the other sororities, but i just said chi o, and here i am. i am a chi o, but i still have to see if they feel the same way tomorrow! tomorrow will be so much fun, but i loved the atmosphere in chi o, they were serious, but yeah!

aephi i got paired up with a girl who i just didnt have a good time talking to, so i guess im not coming back tomorrow. she didnt respond well to my conversations, she was just yeah, yeah. amy oh was in my table too, i felt really fake talking, we had the same interests, but she and i were just not feeling it, we didnt get along. she felt cold raquel, and at one point after describing all i do she sort of challenged me in saying u got a lot of things going on why are u wanting to join a sorority? which is right,
but in chi o they all got other things going on and still do a sorority, so im not sure. i really liked chi o though i really dontknow what im going to do....
i do not know
i want to join

well i need to start working on hw now
tomorrow is semi formal night!
my boyfriends wearing a suit to school, lols was a cutie