I logged once again onto Xanga out of boredom nostalgia and chance
everything's going great and I have less than 3 weeks left which feel like nothing!!!!!!!

Meanwhile instead of studying I decided to move to wordpress.
I checked the stats on Xanga Fundraiser and we still have $15000 to collect in order for xanga to transfer to a not-free wordpress community. I do not know if we can do it in 3 days, ive donated, and I am preparing for the worst.
Ive archived my blogs for free THANK THE LORD and am in the process of transferring it to my new wordpress blog: http://spunkyhelen.wordpress.com

subscribe whatever because i love you all and maybe I dont comment, but I still read your things and love you for being there for me. so yes, I am moving.
annoying whatever yes. Im getting shit popups all over now i dont understand

things are alright but i need to study chinese

BLEH

officially been in china for over a month
omfg i hated it so much and liked it a lot
i love it
lol
i want to live here, i can imagine myself living here
it's very feasible totally doable
went to tianjin
fell asleep on a lot of transportation
several taxis later i ate
probably did not do well on my hw
and fml

i had these most delicious fried pumpkin chewey mochi-like cake dessert things
DELICIOUS
i cant get them out of my head
and chinese people are so idk i want to say dumb in that theyll do what you say even if it doesnt make sense efficiently

so fulll i kind of dont feel like going out :[[[[
but i want to
but so full
need to change UGH

stupid wedgie

i am often the target of bullying i am a small minority who likes to speak her mind and say when something is wrong
today i experienced some bullying and i am 21 years all
this person came to my door with the intention to yell and attack me
they obviously dont like me but i just cant believe her friend supported her action supported her yelling at me and causing such a scene
i dont understand it makes me so sad
i am having a depressing time already here why the fuck do i have to deal with this
isnt my missing my family and friends hard enough????
isnt my having a hard time connecting to people hard enough?
i know i dont have a lot a friends but thats my choice it puts me at a disadvantage

and this is where my role as an HA comes into mind, because in work situations you are told to never get involved in a fight dont burn bridges but what do you do?
someone is being bullied, you dont want to take sides you dont want to cause anymore problems,
but that person the victim, i feel for them but what do u do. I wish i had friends that would stick up for me, that would help me get over shit like this. I choose not to because i dont want to. I hate people like that

I hate that im an easy person to attack, i make myself that way but thats how i want to be
but i dont want people to bully and attack me antagonize me
you dont know nothing about me. deep breath
apparently

i am not supposed to do anything and not care
but i just hate such a situation
hate it so much
i wish i could get revenge, but thats not professional thats not the "right" thing to do

i can only just put out my thoughts out here. only that.

this afternoon
some dumb bitch decided to ring my doorbell and ask why i was spreading rumors about her
she said i had told my roommate that she was yelling she's going to the hospital in the hallway
so i told her
yeah im not going to fucking lie
people fucking piss me off

basically she rang my doorbell to yell at my face
when i told her to calm down she yelled to put my hand down and put her hand down and when i put her hand down she yelled at me not to touch her

she accused me of being dellusional of hallucinating of dreaming that happened
but i heard it hence i told my roommate cause im not just going to hear something and let it go

what i hate is that she wanted me to admit to lieing that im hallucinating when obviously it fucking happened but if i fought it would have went no where

i hope she fucking goes to the hospital.

theres no reasoning with drama queens.
im just picked on because i dont choose to hang onto someone because im not cliquey and i have no one to protect me

i have no one to protect me.
i can do it myself

but i know this isnt the end, i was recovering so i can head her off but it still makes me sad

i know i will laugh back at this in a couple months

but it sucks now.
and my roommate is incredibly sick.

i wonder if luis reads this
i had an emotional and depressing day
but i went out at attempted to recuperated
made an ending decision not to eat dinner and feel good about it
well i ate watermelon.

right now im debating if i can skip two days of class in two weeks...to go and visit an experimental high school for two days and most likely the weekend in another china metropolis
i would let my teachers know tomorrow if its ok, if i can make it up
im leaning towards doing it
very very much
i also am debating and leaning towards taking a caligraphy class on thursdays.
i know i don't know much chinese and can hardly understand it but yeah

went to silk road, it was ok bargained too low
ill ask my tutor to go shopping friday or thursday
probably friday but we'll see

it rained so hard last night

i failed my chinese test today. im going to wake up earlier and work harder on it, its definitely a lot of work. i need to put more effort into learning it.
ill feel better tomorrow because were getting new students in our class and probably someone who i get along better with.
i felt so depressed today because new kids came and theyre cliquing off and im unsure how to make friends. i like a few people but i dont understand the concept of being friends. making friends. which of course is essential to being an RA but i still dont understand it

i need to be okay and realize i like working alone
but i question it
is it ok that i dont ask for help is it ok that i dont feel like socializing cause i enjoy the company of my computer more? talk about anti social, i force myself to talk, but uff it should be otherwise.

tired night.

i am fucking sick of studying and working
and ugh
i need to buy a mouse
BLEH

im sick of getting the short end of the stick.