i fucking hate this

so randomly i haven't been the best girl in the world
i've developed some bad bad habits
not good or decent at all

i've also procrastinate on my paper work for studying abroad
UGH
due this friday and fucked FUCKED no not really but need to get my shit together.

This week is not as stressful as I thought it was going to be.
I am happy because of Vagina Monologues and the fun wonderful people in it.

my time is basically divided right now between prospecting and vagmo

its nice
i like this.
<3

i need to write in my diary...........

IM DREADING THE NEXT TWO WEEKS
vagina monologues and internship on blast
not to mention im still doing my other org shit
FUCK
im so nervous...not nervous but dreading that feeling of looming dread and grey taking over you
i need to write in my diary more hence
less in this not that im writing in this a lot

im happy im home and im being productive
but at the same time i want to chill!!!!!!!! just chill.
and exercise, but i rather sleep and eat than exercise x.x

the decisions i have to make and everything
im almost half way done with my cover letter though on the bright side
lambesis please pick me
but i need to do 2 other cover letters also x.x
but once i get the general format down itll be smooth sailing
just updated my resume also
i kind of wish i had a guy
but im so damn independent
well

need to write in my farking diary
here we go.

so self reflection time
because aint nobody got time for that
ive lost myself since before this year started
ive been stressed since this year has started
i dropped a class but honestly it hasnt dont nothing to my workload
i do feel better
luis finally texted me this morning and i feel better
he's back home he stowed away at marinez's for two days i always assume he's smoking and drinking
but he picks up my phone calls
i don't know what i feel towards him
a need a comfort
ultimately i feel horrible for what i did luis didnt deserve that nobody deserves that but especially luis
hes been doing great putting up with my shit and just doing great
and ive still been discontent unhappy unrealizing

and i owe him $40...

we'll see we'll see

too many damn meetings today.

i have way too many fucking things
i dont want to drop any.... but
i think i will because itll make me feel better...

i'm taking four classes-two rather heavy comm classes, two eh business classes
i need to drop my extension class
i am pledging
i am in vagina monologues
i am chair of fundraising and my committee in adwave
i am looking for a job
i am about to get an internship...

i want to fucking kill myself from the stress
i need to drop something.

i want to drop vagina but it gives me so much an opportunity to act all these resources
but vagina is stressing me out because i feel chained here in ucsd on the weekends because i have these supposed mandatory rehearsals........

i think i'll drop my ethics class, because my sales class is chill.

i wont dropit yet but i think ill drop it
but i still have to show up to class though

i need to do study work

fuck ethics.

i went to formal last night
i was stupid and I left my backpack visible in the car's front seat
it got stolen
i feel sad because it inconveniences others
it makes me sad
but it was karma because i ruined luis's formal
i felt bad
i ruined it

i owe him?
i ruined it and i owe him a talking
ugh
i didnt lose anything important but yeah...

i wish i could find it
im going to the gas station to see if they tossed out stuff...
it would make me feel better

okay time to get ready for vagina monologues

today marks the day where i noticed my first white hair
fackkkkkkkk

im not even 21

hi poopoo
happy new year
im leaving el salvador tomorrow morning
leaving the house around 6:30

flight leaves at 8:57AM and yeah

i had a great last day so great
so many things last minute
so many things accomplished

love
im packing this up now g'night!