taylor keoni hurst
one of the cutest boys i have ever dated
a FB post on one of his covers reminded me of him and his beautiful singing skills
apparently he once dedicated one of his songs to me but i was never aware of it

back in the days of myspace, stuttering and west side story
i still cant believe how well he sings, but his voice is so incredibly unique and so deep
he is such a peculiar person, loved by his friends, a follower and very very silent
his speech and lack of it is something that makes me smile
he was just so damn peculiar and weird when he did talk
but he got into singing and was so great
im happy he loves what he does and it is just that
I feel like voice comes with luck it is a talent honed and practiced but something needs to be there and present to make it into something beautiful
or practice

but thats a lot harder and just as passionate
I jus

i guess im just attracted to musicians, to performers, singers especially because they have what i don't have
ive always wanted to sing but i can just perform enact and embody it
speaking singing no

i love musicians
i love music
i love this journey it takes me on
the stories it entails
how ambiguous and personal it is

your ex-lover is dead
it's been two weeks but im tired of going out
im tired of having to do things
im tired of doing so much work
and i miss home
the norm

i miss i dont know what because my home is not much of a home
its a transition period.....
its a place where i work see family hardly see friends
i need to make time to see friends but im so tired
so tired and exhausted when i finally do get home
im scared because home
is in san diego
and i feel that at least for now
i can count on luis
and i have that staple and it feels so nice to have that to go "home" to

im so scared because my home has been shifting it isnt permanent, i feel unhappy with myself
i need to have better control over myself
if i can just start with that
just control my eating then i can
then i can start getting to a happier place
control.

the only guys that really meet me are the ones who ask me if i have a guy
so depressing.
is it any different.?

so i like to gorge myself to the point of bloatation which is not working so hot for the summer
today i went to hooters in Beijing and they didn't have big boobs. i was sad. but they did know english
as soon as i finished eating 8 or so wings i started sneezing like crazy. of course my nose was watering from 119 wings which were pretty freaking good, but the sneezing has continued to now. It is very annoying

that and thinking theres fog in the air but it's just hazardous pollution im breathing in. I only saw some people wearing masks but i really kind of wish i wore one today.
ugh
this air.
the coldness thats too cold for me
but to keep the mosquitos away
so cold.

also i am thankful for getting scholarships to completely fund my study abroad trip to China this summer
thank you

oh xanga don't go, i can't believe you can even think to do such a thing. My whole fucking life is on here, from before i was even a teenager. whatthefuck all of it gone????

I come on here once a month, once every few months when the going gets rough. I want to think that xanga is the reason I kill my essays. Here I naively thought xanga would always be in my life and i can go back several years to see what ive been thinking about back then. What new problems have arise, have i conquered?

Now im in fucking China xanga, and I donated I did, but thats all i can do. I dont want you to go.

I came on here to blog about how i couldn't sleep
how my sorority bothers me,
how im so scared, im scared that all the shit i do for my sorority will not be seen and i will not be credited for my worrying and creativity. i know how to get things done and i do it in a bad manner, but it at least get things done. i dont fucking dream. I do. heh my computer password used to be ke3p dreaming. i realize how incredibly irrelevant that is to who i am now. ive gone so far, but im so scared. im so scared i will not be recognized for my effort, for the work i put into this damn sorority. I am doing it for me now, but i know i am doing it for the future also. its fun, i enjoy it, but only if other support me unlike now.
with every step forward i am met with questions, why? Why are you doing this? What is this for? Why are you wasting our time?
what my favorite one, the one I will never forget, from the person I dislike the most
stop trying to fix something that's not broken
i will never forget that
stupid cliche phrase

but im not trying to fix anything
whats done is done, and now we move forward and get out of the damn rut youve settled in.
i know im better than you, i know ive done far more than you.
but thats me being prideful, i know you and everyone else has their own road and own path to pave. they dont have to be like me, but i know what ive done and im damn proud.

its just fucking depressing that in order to get things done in a better manner i have to hide behind people, i have to hide the truth that i am doing all this shit. what the fuck.
in the business world that is not how it is. I will fucking call you out, whether it be professional or slyly, or through drunken text
i want to fix the problem and i will
because i fucking can

thats my phrase now
because i can.