April 22, 2012

• so i feel i have boyfriends
  to fill that void that friends and parents are supposed to fill
  i understand that's not the right way
  i acknowledge that isn't the reason one should have a boyfriend or girlfriend
  but everybody has their differences.
  so in acknowledging and understanding my own circumstance i can hope to stray away from that
  i don't really understand being friends
  there are only a few people i truely call my friends
  but i really dont understand how to be friends
  now i may be childish and blame it on my parents for them lacking any friends
  but the concept is such a blur to me
  i dont understand it. no one ever calls me except my boyfriend
  i guess im too busy
  i don't know how to hang out
  maybe with only a few people

  i have a boyfriend so that i can love and care for someone who loves and cares for me back
  someone who can show it like i do
  who's not ocd and can only think to one subject at a time...
  it's college
  fuck it.
  i dont understand the concept
  i know so many people but being friends
  i dont know
  im so judgmental
  so picky on who i talk to

  i dont know why its such a big deal!!!!
  but i know im sad
  i want to get away from bf
  i do.

  but im doing it in such a horrible manner.

  i feel like i tell him everything
  what to do
  he doesn't talk to me
  there are just too many problems that i just don't deal with
  just don't want to deal with
  that's why we weren't together in the first place

  but nowi just want to make myself miserable and rid myself of these excessive problems i don't want to deal with
  who's going to care about me now

  • 4:16 pm
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